Listen up, beautiful goblins of the internet: your eyes? The ones that aren’t exactly the same shape? The ones that make you feel like an abstract Picasso painting when you try to do eyeliner? Those are not a flaw. They are character development. Somewhere along the line, we got tricked into thinking that symmetry = beauty. Which is weird, because all the most interesting people have faces that are just a little off-kilter. (Florence Pugh. Tilda Swinton. Adam Driver. The entirety of the Renaissance.) You think the Mona Lisa is hanging in the Louvre because she had a perfectly even eye crease? Absolutely
Category: Make Up
Disney Princess Swatches of the Summer Friday Lip Butter Balms
Listen, there are things in life that require careful consideration, meticulous analysis, and in-depth research. Things like who let the dogs out, why don’t we just eat the rich, and how many Summer Fridays Lip Butter Balms does one person need before it becomes a problem. I cannot answer the first two questions (though I have theories). But I can say that when it comes to Summer Fridays’ balms, the answer is somewhere between “just one more” and “help, my bag is mostly lip products now.” If you have never tried these little tubes of joy, let me enlighten you: they are soft, plushy, hydrating,
Summer Fridays Lip Butter Balm: My Lips Are Thriving, My Wallet Is Weeping
Lip balm is one of those things that should be simple. You just want something that keeps your lips from looking like a dried-up husk of a Victorian orphan, right? And yet, the market is rife with deception. Some balms pretend to be moisturizing but are secretly waxy little con artists. Some have the nerve to be sticky. Some smell like a Bath & Body Works exploded in 2007. Some (and this is unforgivable) require you to dig your fingers into a pot like some kind of feral beast. Enter Summer Fridays Lip Butter Balm, the latest inductee into my ever-expanding collection of lip products. I bought one. Then
What I Hauled While Dashing Through the Christmas Chaos
Friends, foes, and festive fiends: it’s me, your chaotic neutral beauty hoarder, crawling out from the wreckage of Christmas mayhem with a haul so glorious it could make even the Grinch jealous. My bank account may be whispering “cease and desist,” but the holiday spirit said, “MORE. TATCHA.” Let’s be real, everyone knows I’m a Tatcha simp. I’d willingly pay rent to that dewy purple packaging if it meant eternal hydration. So what did Santa (aka me) bring this year? A feast of products that will make my vanity look like the skincare aisle at Sephora, only more luxurious and,
My Beauty Haul: A Journey into Financial Recklessness and Moisturized Bliss
There comes a moment in every person’s life when they look at their bathroom shelves—crowded with half-used moisturizers, abandoned serums, and a dry shampoo that may or may not predate the pandemic—and think: What if I just bought more stuff? This is the story of that moment. And reader, I did not disappoint myself. I went on a beauty spree so excessive that it’s safe to say I’m now prepared for any scenario involving immaculate hair, flawless skin, and lips so hydrated they could host a pool party. Was it responsible? No. Was it fun? Oh, absolutely. So, grab a cup
Cargo – Blush in “Catalina”
Pale girls, look no further. I have found your blush. It’s this sweet baby doll pink that can either give you that just-been-out-in-cold-weather flush or that healthy coloring that tricks people into thinking you work out and eat healthy. It’s great because you have to try really hard to overdo this. Like REALLY HARD. It definitely fits the “buildable color” category more than the “intensely pigmented” side of things. I love that I can slap it on in the morning, without having to be careful with it. Ive reached for it every day this past month, and I’m falling more
Kryolan Icicle Gel
I had big plans. I was going to get this icicle gel and show it off as special effects makeup. I was going to give you a heads up in case you wanted to be a frozen character or just another rendition of a cold hearted witch. Buuuut, I DON’T UNDERSTAND THIS. I see the promo pictures showing frosty flakes growing in men’s mustaches, or hardened icicles being drawn onto faces, and it looks legit. I use it and it looks like I have snot all over my face. And please, do not use it on facial hair, eyebrows included,
Men Who Rock Makeup
Obviously, you know what this post is about if you read the title. If you blindly clicked on my post than lemme tell ya, it’s about men who know how to rock a full face of cosmetics. I’m sticking to celebrity males here and leaving the YouTubers and Instagrammers off the list, because we already KNOW MannyMua, Jeffree Star, and James Charles know how to apply their highlighter. Boy George Boy George really knows how to take it *there* and back. Sometimes he edges the border between “too far” and “just right” but honestly? I’d love it if he could
The Brush Guard
I’m never quite sure which products have been hyped and which have been sadly neglected. Which means I unfortunately have no idea how well known the Brush Guards are, but I do know I’ve invested in several boxes because they keep my brushes looking good despite my inability to properly take care of anything. First off, my brushes have the awful habit of drying wonky after I’ve done the weekly (cough, monthly, cough) duty of cleaning my brushes. You know what I mean, splayed bristles, loss of shape, and crappy, crappy, crappiness (great descriptions, right?). The Brush Guard helps them
Trash Talk, aka “Empties” #1
I know that this has been rehashed and talked about ad nauseam by many beauty bloggers and YouTubers, but the idea of keeping my garbage around so I can discuss it all with you sounds so millennial that I CAN’T EVEN. I hope archaeologists dig into the wires of the internet a thousand years from now and the twenty first century becomes a discussion of how our generation glorified trashed skincare bottles and empty makeup palettes. Can you imagine? It would be the best college class EVER. Okay, on with it then! Paula’s Choice Smooth Finish Conditioner – I loved