Dear Washington, D.C., We need to talk. Not in a “we should see other people” way, but in a “I have some feelings and they are wearing sensible walking shoes” way. First of all, you are a lot. You are monuments, memorials, marble and power suits and school field trips and men in khakis explaining the Constitution like they personally drafted it over brunch. You are the physical embodiment of “group project where one kid does everything and the rest show up with a sense of unearned pride.” And yet… I kind of love you. I love how you make me
Category: Open Letters
An Open Letter to Victoria, British Columbia (From a Tourist Who Was Just Going to “Pop In” and Accidentally Fell in Love)
Dear Victoria, You mischievous little imp. I came to you thinking, “Cute place. Bet I can knock it out in a weekend.” What I didn’t realize was that you’d quietly rearrange my internal compass, ruin me for every other small coastal city, and have me googling ferry schedules and real estate listings like I was starring in a Hallmark movie. Let’s start with the harbor. Are you kidding me with that view? Boats bouncing, seaplanes landing like it’s no big deal, seals occasionally popping up to say, “Hey, this is our neighborhood too.” Meanwhile, I’m standing there with a coffee and an
An Open Letter to New Orleans
Dear New Orleans, You saucy little minx. I came for your jazz, your beignets, and your legendary laissez-faire attitude. I stayed because I couldn’t find the strength to leave. I’m convinced you’ve enchanted me with some unholy concoction of powdered sugar and humidity. Or maybe it was the sazerac. Either way, I’m onto you. Let’s start with the obvious: you’re absurdly good-looking. I’ve never walked down streets so simultaneously dignified and debauched. It’s as though your architecture got dressed for Sunday service, but Bourbon Street borrowed its eyeliner and never came home. I don’t even know how to process the
An Open Letter to New Orleans, Louisiana
Dear New Orleans, It’s been two years since I’ve been to visit you, and I want to go back so badly it hurts. I want to walk down Bourbon Street, step into a night club, and maybe eat some beignets. Oh, and definitely get some fried chicken because for some reason, it tastes like magic in your city. Unfortunately, Mardi Gras, spring break and COVID-19 have taken it’s toll on your city and it breaks my heart to pieces. Your city isn’t made for social distancing. It’s made for get togethers, jazz shows in small venues… and beignets. Let’s not
An Open Letter to Portland, Oregon
Dear Portland, We did not start off on the right foot. As a matter of fact, you were kind of a sloppy second. Our original plans included going to spring training in Phoenix, Arizona… But that was cancelled so we ended up with you. One thing you’ve gotten right Portland, is the love of books. Anywhere else, and a place like Powell’s bookstore would go out of business. Instead, it’s a monstrosity of a building that I could get lost in for hours. It was everything I’ve ever wanted a bookstore to be! And despite all the panic regarding coronavirus,
An Open Letter to Seattle, Washington
Dear Seattle, I visit you occasionally but it should really be more often. However, depending on the day and the hour (and, let’s face it–traffic), you can be kind of a pain-in-the-ass to travel to. Besides, you can be a wee bit expensive when I decide to do things like buy artisanal wines, macarons, bread, cheeses and meats so I can be bougie and have the best movie snack EVER. Unfortunately, you are the epicenter of the COVID-19 outbreak. Although I’ve usually bemoaned the fact that you and my favorite piroshki stand are roughly an hour and a half away,
An Open Letter to Boston, Massachusetts
Dear Boston To be honest, I have a bias towards you. I have family here so it always gives me warm feelings when I arrive within your city limits. Your city, while holding many monuments, is not a tribute to the past. It is an example of change, progressiveness and revolution. I found myself standing on history while feeling like history is still being made. It was a strange connection to the past and present that I cannot quite communicate in words. 2 hours later, enjoying a downpour! My boyfriend through gritted teeth was saying, “this is not the time
An Open Letter to New York City
Dear New York City, My first impression of you was that you were exactly like the movies said you were: full of loud people who communicated by yelling and honking at each other. You also had beautiful people with all the designer brands on their arm and were the center of the universe. But, that’s only the surface. You’re not any of that really. You’re more of a surprise than an expectation. I will say you’re city stinks. No, it literally reeks of horse manure and piss. Then again, your public restrooms actually had urine on the floors. I guess
An Open Letter to Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Dear Rehoboth Beach, Thank you for being defiant and proving the forecast wrong. I wanted a day at the beach and that is exactly what I got. Not one lick of thunder! Thank god! Furthermore, YOU HAD A BREEZE to go with your heat. You still burned me despite reapplying my sunscreen twice in a four hour timespan which just seems wicked of you… but I get it. You’re the beach and I’m sickly white. It wouldn’t be right if I left with a tan. By the way, you look like a town from another era that ignored all the