Let me tell you about the time I spent an hour and a half making something that tasted like a baked potato… in witness protection.
This is a story of betrayal. Of high hopes and creamy promises. Of bacon grease and different kinds of potatoes that conspired to whisper, “You could’ve just used the microwave.“
The Soup That Lied to Me
Look, I’m not here to slander soup. I love soup. Soup is cozy. Soup is healing. Soup is what I make when my mental health is in the “let’s chop vegetables to feel something” stage.
But this soup? This soup was an imposter wearing a bacon-bit tiara and a mask made of nostalgia. It’s called Loaded Baked Potato Soup, and yes, it’s from The Official Disney Parks Cookbook, which should have been my first clue. Because much like a Disney line for Space Mountain, this recipe took WAY TOO LONG and the payoff was… fine, I guess?
What Went Down (Other Than My Sanity)
Let me walk you through it:
- Step 1: Fry an entire pound of bacon. Not a few strips. A pound. I had to air out my kitchen like I’d just summoned Paula Deen’s demons.
- Step 2: Dice onions, carrots, celery, and four potatoes. Wait, no—EIGHT potatoes. Four russets and four reds. This soup needed more prep than my last vacation.
- Step 3: Cook. Stir. Simmer. Mash. Add flour. Add cream. Stir more. Mash more. Whisper affirmations to yourself. Wonder if this is what Julia Child meant by joy.
- Step 4: Realize it tastes like warm, salty milk with a vague potato memory.
Taste Test Verdict: A Warm Hug from a Potato… Who’s Emotionally Unavailable
I wanted it to taste like a creamy bowl of comfort. You know, like a baked potato with melty cheese and sour cream and crispy bacon and joy.
Instead, it tasted like a liquid suggestion of a baked potato. Like someone whispered the word “Idaho” into a pot of cream.
Texture? Fine. Creamy. Starchy. But emotionally, I was betrayed. Because I know what a real baked potato tastes like. I’ve lived that life. And this? This was a knockoff handbag of a meal.
Time Investment vs. Microwave Realism
Let’s be honest: baking a potato in the microwave takes about 6 minutes. Maybe 10 if you’re feeling fancy and throw on some foil (don’t @ me, I know you’re not supposed to). Add a dollop of sour cream, a sprinkle of shredded cheese, and a crumble of bacon bits from a bag, and boom: delicious.
This recipe? Took well over an hour, used multiple pots, and required me to contemplate the purpose of celery.
Final Thoughts: Soup, You’re On Notice
Would I make this again?
No.
Would I eat it again?
Also no.
Would I stand in my kitchen at 9pm angrily eating Cheez-Its and muttering about how I could’ve just microwaved a potato?
Absolutely yes. And I did.
Kristen’s Quick & Dirty Summary
| Category | Verdict |
|---|---|
| Time Required | Too much for what it gave me |
| Flavor | Liquid potato with abandonment issues |
| Texture | Creamy, but emotionally empty |
| Cleanup | A war crime |
| Would I remake it? | Not even if Bob Iger asked me personally |
TL;DR:
This soup is the culinary equivalent of standing in line for two hours and realizing the ride is closed for maintenance. If you want a baked potato, make a baked potato. Don’t let soup gaslight you into thinking it’s the same thing.
—
📸 If you do make this and somehow like it, I’m genuinely happy for you. You deserve joy. But as for me and my house? We will microwave.
