Or: How I Spent $85 to Feel Like a Beautiful Houseplant
If you’re looking for a product that will make you feel like you should be reclining on a chaise in a botanical garden, sipping a hibiscus-infused cocktail while someone fans you with a palm frond — the Royal Fern Phytoactive Skin Perfecting Essence is it. But if you’re looking for a product that makes sense to your bank account or your skincare routine, then perhaps proceed with caution.
Let’s break this down with pros and cons, because apparently my life choices now include ranking how much skincare items confuse me.
The Quick and Dirty Summary
Packaging: Plastic bottle with a screw on lid. It’s frosted though so it feels faaaaancy.
Texture: Like water.
Feels Like: The ghost of a tingle on your skin. Like it’s trying to be exfoliating but just doesn’t have the muscle.
Smell: Like water from a flower pot but make it spa.
Price: $85 for 200mL
Ingredients: AQUA, PENTYLENE GLYCOL, GLYCERIN, MALEIC ACID, LACTIC ACID,GLUCONOLACTONE, SODIUM LACTATE, PROPYLENE GLYCOL, OSMUNDA REGALIS LEAF EXTRACT, POLYSORBATE 20, LIMONENE, LINALOOL, ALPHA-ISOMETHYL IONONE, PARFUM
Claims: ✓ Nourishing & gentle essence/toner for effective deep cleansing
✓ Refines pores for a smoother skin appearance and a radiant complexion
✓ Strengthens the skin’s natural collagen
✓ Reduces hyperpigmentation & inflammation
✓ Soothes the skin with anti-inflammatory ingredients
✓ Maintains a healthy pH balance
Pro: Feels as Luxurious as Its Name Implies
It’s “phytoactive” and “skin perfecting,” and, just to hammer home that it’s fancy, they went ahead and threw “Royal” in there. Using this essence does feel like you’ve stepped into some secret world of plant-powered luxury. You pat it on, and it’s immediately refreshing, light, and slightly cooling, like you’re dousing your skin in mystical fern juice. I want to say it’s hydrating, but it’s more subtle than that. You feel gently spritzed, if that makes any sense, which — I acknowledge — it might not.
Verdict: Makes you feel like a deity of the garden variety, lightly hydrated, misted, and ready to blossom.
Con: The Price Tag is… Let’s Call it Aspirational
At $85, this essence costs more than what I imagine an actual royal fern costs. And at that price, I want the skincare equivalent of a spiritual awakening. I want angels to sing and for my pores to just disappear. Sadly, this essence is not going to give you an “oh my god, my skin is flawless” moment. It’s going to give you more of a “my skin is, hmm, better?” moment. And for $85, “better” feels a bit… disappointing.
Verdict: I’d sell my Ray-Ban Wayfarers before I’d spend this much on this essence again.
Pro: Subtle Exfoliation Without Any Drama
If your skin has the temperament of a spoiled cat that’s prone to hissing fits at anything remotely irritating, this essence could be your savior. The acids are light and delicate, giving you a little exfoliating action without any burning, peeling, or that raw feeling. It’s gentle enough for daily use, which is nice, but subtle enough that you’re not going to notice dramatic results after a single use. Think of it as exfoliation with a soft voice, rather than the skincare equivalent of a bullhorn.
Verdict: Perfect for those who prefer their exfoliation to come with a whisper, not a bang.
Con: It’s Basically an Optional Step
I’ll admit it. I still don’t totally understand the purpose of an “essence.” It’s something about hydration, but not the kind of hydration a serum does, or a moisturizer… or a mist? Listen, if I can’t clearly articulate what a product does after using it, I start to feel like it might be unnecessary. And, honestly, I didn’t notice a huge difference when I skipped it for a few days. So, do you need this? Not really.
Verdict: If you’re cutting down on steps or just don’t care about “essences,” this one is easily replaceable.
Pro: Looks Gorgeous on the Shelf
There’s something about expensive skincare that just looks right in your bathroom. This essence comes in a chic, minimalist bottle with a little emerald typing, making you feel fancy every time you see it. I admit, I love how it makes my bathroom shelf look like a curated art installation. And isn’t that the real dream here? To have skincare that’s part treatment, part decor?
Verdict: If you’re buying it to impress friends who judge your bathroom aesthetic, this will not disappoint.
Con: Dupes Exist, and Your Wallet Knows It
I want to say this essence is so magical that nothing else compares… but that would be a lie. There are tons of affordable essences on the market that provide similar hydration and mild exfoliation, albeit without the fancy branding or the sense of living a botanical fantasy. If all you want is a simple, hydrating essence, there are budget-friendly options that won’t make you cry when the bottle runs dry.
Verdict: There are cheaper ways to become a misted goddess.
The Bottom Line
Royal Fern Phytoactive Skin Perfecting Essence is beautiful, luxurious, and very nice… but I don’t totally get the point of it. It’s champagne problems in a frosted container: It’s nice enough to use up, but not nice enough to repurchase. I want my skincare to dazzle me and send me love notes. This essence barely remembered our anniversary. If you love luxury skincare and spare no expense, add it to your cart and enjoy. But if you’re still waiting for a reason to justify that price tag, maybe just get yourself a nice houseplant instead.
Buy it here if you’re that girl:
Don’t trust my opinion? Get other reviews ;
–Blush Suede says it’s worth it
