Look. I came here for a bagel. Just a bagel. A humble little circle of carbs with some salmon and cream cheese, because sometimes you don’t need bells and whistles. Sometimes you just want breakfast that won’t fight back. Bethesda Bagels in Washington D.C., however, said: “Oh honey, no. You came for a snack, but you’re leaving with trauma.” The Bagel Credit where it’s due: the bagel itself? Solid. Chewy, flavorful, baked by someone who respects gluten. If you surgically removed it from the rest of the crime scene, you’d think, “Yeah, this is a nice bagel.” The Cream Cheese Debacle But