Let’s all take a deep breath and collectively admit something: Disney lied to us. The Pinocchio we grew up with (the sweet little puppet who just wants to be a real boy, guided by a sassy moral compass in a top hat) is a deeply sanitized version of the absolute nightmare fuel that is Carlo Collodi’s original book. The OG Pinocchio isn’t a wholesome story about honesty and bravery. It’s a chaotic, occasionally homicidal morality play about a wooden demon-child who ruins everything he touches and a deeply exhausted craftsman who just wanted to make a puppet and ended up with a felony-level parenting problem. Geppetto: The World’s
Tag: classics
Dracula: A Cautionary Tale About Red Flags, Mansplaining, and How Everyone Immediately Gets Weird About Your Body
You ever read a book and think, “Damn, this could’ve been an email”? That’s Dracula. That’s Bram Stoker’s 400-page Victorian group chat about logistics, real estate, and one man’s heroic quest to emotionally exhaust every person he meets. And honestly? The scariest part isn’t the vampires. It’s the audacity. Warning: This post is filled with spoilers. Count Dracula: Unkillable. Undead. Unbearably Chatty. He shows up, he monologues, he bites, he ghosted. It’s a pattern. So let’s be clear: Count Dracula is a villain with a capital V and also a capital E-R-Y T-I-R-E-S-O-M-E. He is allegedly the most powerful creature on Earth.
Books: The Great Gatsby
This book is a tragedy. No, not because someone dies. It’s a tragedy because Gatsby lives a lie and loves a vapid gold digger. That, my friends, is how you waste a life. The story is told from Nick Carraway’s point of view–and what a view it is! F. Scott Fitzgerald’s power over description and the English language is a joy to read. Partially because he brings the roaring twenties to life and partially because he describes the characters just as they are. Whether they are brash, silly, insolent, or ignorant, he portrays them as just that and doesn’t faff
Books: Fahrenheit 451
I’m pretty sure this book is based on my nightmares. The main premise is that a fireman’s sole job is to burn any and all literature. You’re forbidden to read, your main source of entertainment comes from a room with four screens of televised content. Just the thought of it makes me want to scream. And you know what? When one fireman exposed himself to books for the first time, it turned his world upside down and made him realize that life as he knew it wasn’t living at all. The lack of books had caused technology to storm in
Books: Anna Karenina
I read Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy, a book that I’ve heard many call the greatest piece of literature ever written. And to that I say, “Are you freaking kidding me?!” This book begins like a soap opera and degenerates to scenes that are better suited to a high school cafeteria than the squabbles of Russian nobility. There were parts that actually pained me to read thinking, “People didn’t actually act like this, did they?” A friend of mine said they loved the book, that it brought up social issues like the idea that a man cheating on his wife