There are few foods more universally accepted than the onion. You can cross cultures, religions, centuries, wars, continents, and socioeconomic classes and somehow everyone eventually lands on: “You know what this dish needs? An onion.” Not a truffle. Not saffron. Not edible gold flakes served by a man named Sebastian. An onion. The onion is the supporting actor that quietly wins the Oscar while the flashy ingredients get all the attention. Nobody walks into a restaurant screaming, “OH MY GOD, THE ONIONS!!!” but remove them from civilization and society collapses into bland despair within approximately four business days. And yet