It’s been awhile. It’s been hectic. It’s been life-changing. And I’m still recovering from it all.
Once upon a time, a pandemic hit the globe. My man and I hid in our house and took walks at appropriately safe distances from other pedestrians. We planned. We enjoyed the small break from having to “head into the office”. We were both still receiving paychecks and felt incredibly blessed.
I had chosen this most fortunate time to go back to school, to get my Masters. In the process I had quit my previous job and easily found a new one that aligned with my schooling and would allow me to collect supervision hours as part of my education.
And because that wasn’t a big enough life change, I got married to the man of my dreams. We didn’t want to wait because the pandemic gave us a perfect excuse to not invite anyone and save our money on what could have been a very overpriced affair otherwise. The best part? We served finger food to a reception party of twelve. It was my absolute favorite.
Shortly after this, I became pregnant. Now, it was not necessarily my plan to get pregnant so quickly. Naivety being extreme, I somehow assumed it would take several months to get pregnant and that after 10 months of building a baby, I’d be almost done with school. Instead, I found myself giving birth mid-Masters program. What’s more, my birthing story is a stressful one. I was induced when it became clear my daughter was in distress. I was eventually taken to have an emergency C-Section. She came out not breathing and my husband and I had to endure the longest minutes of our life before we were told that she was well and I could finally hold her.
What followed was joy but also a LOT of postpartum depression. As in crying on the nursery floor for 5 hours straight with no conceivable reason as to why. The stress of maintaining a full time job, full time schooling and if I’m being honest, part time parenting because I was too stressed to be fully present with my baby girl. Missing so much of her life made my depression worse but damned if I wasn’t going to complete my schooling to hopefully give her a better life one day. By the end of it, I was exhausted and fraying at the edges but I earned my Masters with a 3.95 GPA! I also managed to pass my board examinations within a month. I applied for my dream job and was immediately offered the position. Life was going to get better! Or so I thought.
Within a month of working at my new job, I was carjacked at gunpoint by 3 men in the parking lot. Thankfully I was okay and double thankfully they caught all 3. However, this caused significant problems for my health both mentally and physically. I was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and my ulcerative colitis has reared its ugly head in a most aggressive manner. Going to my dream job soon became a mentally draining ordeal where I felt as if I was reliving the trauma over and over again. Depression and anxiety reared their ugly heads again.
Now, 3 months later, the company just announced that it is now out of business and I’ve been laid off. I’m still sick, I’m unemployed, but for the first time in a LONG time… I feel like I can breathe. I can hold my baby girl until she falls asleep, I have the headspace to bake treats for my husband, and I have the time to write a blog post.
While I look for a new job, I’ll use my spare time to bond with my lovely daughter and maybe get back to the blog. It’s been way too long.
