If you’re in D.C. and want to feel both deeply inspired and mildly haunted, the Smithsonian American Art Museum is your jam. It’s like wandering into America’s attic: some pieces are gorgeous heirlooms, some are historical oddities, and some are the kind of thing you stare at for five minutes wondering if you’re the problem. Spoiler: you’re not.
Let’s break down some of the highlights.
The Seasons of Life: Your Entire Existence in Four Frames
The Seasons of Life paintings are so beautiful they should honestly come with a warning label: “Will cause an existential crisis by the third cavas.” Each one represents a stage of life, and yes, they’re breathtaking! But also? They’re a little too real.
Spring: Look at you, so fresh, so full of promise!
Summer: Damn, you peaked. Enjoy it while it lasts.
Autumn: Congrats, you’re wise now, but also starting to creak like an old door hinge.
Winter: Bundle up, babe, you’re basically on your way out.
It’s like a four-panel meme about mortality but in oil paint. Gorgeous and devastating.
Botticelli: Patron Saint of Throwing Up West Coast
Then there’s Botticelli. The man painted ethereal goddesses, flowing hair, and angelic faces—and yet one of his paintings looks like the subject is straight-up throwing gang signs. I swear this guy is repping West Coast centuries before Tupac.
Art historians will call it “gesture symbolism.” I call it “Botticelli invented rap hand choreography.”
Leonardo da Vinci: The Overachiever We Didn’t Ask For
SAAM even has a Leonardo da Vinci painting, which is basically like letting Beyoncé crash karaoke night. The guy sketched anatomy, helicopters, and geometry while the rest of us struggle to remember our Netflix password.
Standing in front of his painting, you can feel your self-esteem shriveling. But hey, at least we can appreciate his genius while holding an iced latte. Balance.
Cecilia Beaux’s Sita and Sarita: Goth Queen with Cat Familiar
Enter Cecilia Beaux’s Sita and Sarita, a portrait so iconic it could be an album cover. It features a woman in soft white drapery, but the real star is the black cat draped across her shoulder like a furry statement necklace.
The woman’s expression? Regal. The cat’s expression? “I will eat your soul.” Together they radiate I run this gallery and you’re just visiting energy. Honestly, this painting is witchy, moody, and everything I aspire to be on a Monday morning.
Robert Peckham’s The Hobby Horse: Send Help
Finally, let’s talk about Robert Peckham’s The Hobby Horse. On the surface: adorable kids with their toys. In reality: nightmare fuel.
These children have the kind of glassy, soul-piercing stares that make you check over your shoulder at night. And the toy horse? That thing looks one step away from galloping straight out of the frame and into your dreams.
The only logical reaction is to pose in front of it with the exact same dead-eyed expression. Congratulations—you’ve created a new layer of art history called “performance trolling.”
Final Verdict
The Smithsonian American Art Museum is a chaotic mix of sublime beauty, questionable vibes, and the occasional gang-signing Renaissance icon. You’ll leave inspired, confused, and maybe a little scared, but in the best possible way.
So yes, go. Just… don’t make eye contact with the Hobby Horse kids for too long.
*This is a post from the archives of 2019.
