Let me set the scene for you.
You’re in Washington DC. It’s sunny. You’re hungry. You’ve just walked past approximately 47 restaurants with the exact same exposed-brick-and-small-plate energy. But you’re not here to play tapas roulette. You want cheese. You want carbs. You want something aggressively satisfying.
Enter: Tortilla Coast.
The Vibe
Tortilla Coast is that Tex-Mex joint that looks like it’s been around since Congress still had a decent approval rating. There’s sunshine pouring in, the décor screams “spring break energy with a law degree,” and the air smells faintly of sizzling fajitas, melted cheese, and decisions you’re going to need a nap to recover from.
This is not fine dining. This is fun dining. (And also kind of chaotic dining, but we’ll get to that.)
The Main Event: BBQ Chicken Quesadilla
I ordered the BBQ chicken quesadilla because:
- I have taste.
- I respect the power of a flour tortilla when it’s used for good and not evil.
- It was the kind of day where I needed cheese to make all my decisions for me.
What arrived was a melty, slightly unhinged masterpiece.
- The quesadilla itself? Crispy outside, oozy inside, stacked with chicken and BBQ sauce like it was auditioning for a role in a Guy Fieri fever dream. In a good way. The sweet smokiness of the sauce was fighting the cheese for attention, and honestly? I respect that level of drama in a dish.
- The guac + pico de gallo combo on top? Bright, chunky, and vibing like they had their own side plot. The guac was fresh—like “we just murdered this avocado for you” fresh. The pico brought the crunch and the acidity. And together, they formed the holy trinity of toppings.
- And then there was the sour cream. Just casually dumped on top like a dollop of dairy chaos. Look, I’m not mad about it, but it looked like someone took the phrase “add a touch of sour cream” and responded, “bet.”
Also, this thing was huge. Like “could feed two responsible adults or one reckless me” levels of huge.
The Overall Kristen Vibe Check™️
✔️ Comfort Food Satisfaction: 10/10
✔️ Cheese-to-Filling Ratio: Strong
✔️ Mess Factor: High (do not attempt on a first date unless they love watching people eat like raccoons)
✔️ Worth it? Yes
✔️ Am I still thinking about that guac? Also yes
TL;DR: Tortilla Coast is like that friend who shows up late, spills something immediately, but is so charming you end up having the best time anyway. If you want a dignified dining experience, keep walking. But if you want to drown your stress in BBQ chicken and queso therapy? Sit down and stay awhile.
Kristen’s Final Verdict:
This quesadilla didn’t fix my life, but it did improve my mood, and honestly? That’s more than I can say about therapy this week.
This is a post from the 2019 drafts.
