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You know, I really should’ve expected this to go wrong. Who cooks “Christmas pudding” months away from the holidays? This girl, that’s who.

Plus, I loathe fruits in my desserts. I mean who was I kidding? There was no way this was going to taste good.

…And I tried a vegan recipe. Who replaces butter? I CAN’T EVEN. Except I did.

Okay, so I’m blaming a lot of factors, but probably the biggest fault—I’m pretty sure I overcooked this thing. To be fair, this had the wonkiest cooking instructions I’ve ever seen. You basically mix all the ingredients together (including such things as prunes, raisins, and dried apricots), then chuck it in a heat resistant bowl. Then you cover it in parchment paper and aluminum foil and toss it in some boiling water. Then, you have to simmer it on the stove for FIVE FREAKING HOURS.

The problem with my stove though, is that it doesn’t know how to simmer water. It goes from tepid water to roiling and boiling. There is no inbetween. So though I tried to fight it, I’m pretty sure that despite my best efforts, this thing was overcooked.

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To taste it was a joke. I’m not even kidding, we literally laughed hysterically at how horrific this thing was. On first impressions it seemed tart—until the aftertaste of bitterness reared its ugly head out of my throat and lingered in my mouth. I kid you not, I wanted to scrape my tongue to get whatever the hell that godawful taste was out of my mouth. Drowning it in whipped cream didn’t help.

My significant other, god bless him, tried to say he liked it even though I could visibly see him choking it down. He was pretty thankful when I told him it was okay to stop.

We decided that we needed to taste actual Christmas pudding one day (I’d like to think I’d royally screwed this up, because surely nobody would voluntarily eat what I’d made).

Also, although he appreciates my love for experimenting with new foods in the kitchen, the man in my life very politely asked me to experiment with hamburgers next time. You know, safe food. Ha!

You can find the recipes I used here at VeggieAthletics.

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